


Why Don't Cannibals

by spookyawards_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Gen, Humor, Vignette, post-episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-09-22
Updated: 2003-09-22
Packaged: 2019-04-27 05:41:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14418864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spookyawards_archivist/pseuds/spookyawards_archivist
Summary: Missing scene from 'Pusher'.





	Why Don't Cannibals

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Spooky Awards](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Spooky_Awards), and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2018. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [SpookyAwards' collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/spookyawards/profile).

 

Why Don't Cannibals

## Why Don't Cannibals

### by bcfan

TITLE: Why Don't Cannibals  
AUTHOR: bcfan  
FEEDBACK: WEBSITE: [bcfanfic.tripod.com](http://bcfanfic.tripod.com)/   
**RATING: PG**  
**CLASSIFICATION: MSR**  
SPOILERS: missing scene from 'Pusher'  
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, will never be.  
THANKS TO: Redwyne, my generous beta. 

* * *

"Why don't cannibals eat clowns?" 

Scully lifted her hand in front of her mouth as she began to yawn. 

"I don't know, Mulder. Perhaps because there aren't any clowns in cannibalistic societies?" 

"No, Scully," Mulder smirked. "Cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny." 

Mulder fake-laughed, and Scully sighed. Both shrugged within the confines of the stakeout car. Mulder tried for a comfortable position and failed. He looked at his watch: 2:13 a.m. This stakeout was a long one. 

"I don't like clowns," she murmured. 

"Interesting. Why?" 

"Hmmm." Scully's monosyllabic response seemed to be a further sign of her fatigue. Mulder filed this bit of information away to contemplate later and turned again towards his partner, rotating his shoulders to ease circulation. 

Scully's eyes were at half-mast, so Mulder prodded her gently with his elbow. "C'mon, Scully, it's your turn now. What childhood jokes do you remember?" 

"Hmmm," Scully considered, then looked more alert. "I remember one. Why did the mushroom like to party?" 

"Hey, Scully, did you ever party-down with mushrooms?" Scully looked blank, so he guessed, "Mushrooms like to party cause the dip feels good?" 

"Sorry, Mulder, wrong answer. The mushroom liked to party because he was a fungi." 

Mulder groaned, "I should have known. A science joke!" 

Scully shrugged, then leaned back against the seat. The car was silent, and Mulder considered his good fortune. In past stakeouts another lifetime ago, he would have either been working alone or with an unsympathetic partner, the butt of supposedly good-natured jokes. Here in the car with Scully, Mulder felt relaxed and happy despite the uncomfortable conditions. He knew this interlude offered a respite in their search, and he intended to savour his time with her. 

"Hey, here's one - what's the smallest room in the world?" 

Silence. Mulder turned and gazed affectionately at his partner. Scully was breathing evenly, eyes closed and head slightly tilted. She'd succumbed to sleep at last. 

A murmur. "It's not a mushroom. It's you, Scully. Anywhere with you is the smallest and coziest room in the world." 

Mulder rested back against the seat and reached into his pocket to pull out an open bag of sunflower seeds. He'd used seeds to keep himself awake a thousand times. Halflistening for the pay phone's ring, he allowed himself the luxury of focusing fully on the woman next to him, something he hesitated to do when she was an aware and vital presence in their basement office. Scully's hair had a subtle floral scent, and Mulder smiled as he breathed more deeply. Her lashes lay in a delicate crescent on each cheek, and Mulder knew the intimate texture of her skin from the soft touch she sometimes bestowed on him. He stared, mesmerized, as Scully's lips parted slightly. He could hear her faint, even breath. Those lips, he thought. What would happen if he just leaned in and kiss those lips, instead of sitting like some kind of voyeur? A wave of longing overcame him, and he hesitantly shifted towards her. Suddenly, he saw movement out of the corner of his eye. 

Mulder straightened and put his hand on his gun. He stared out into the darkness, straining to see into the gloom. He sighed when he realized there was nothing out of the ordinary. 

Mood broken, Mulder chewed another seed. His questing mind began to focus on his adversary and his motivations. He remembered his earlier joke - Why don't cannibals eat clowns. Why was Pusher leaving clues while at the same time heartlessly eliminating everyone that seemed to stand in his way? 

Mulder's mood darkened when he accepted what he suddenly knew to be the truth - Pusher was bored. He left clues because he wanted to test his mind control on a "worthy adversary". Mulder began to realize he would very likely become the adversary. 

He couldn't let Scully be involved with this. If Pusher could really control minds - it would be too dangerous. Mulder couldn't face it if Scully was hurt because of yet another madman. Yes it was her job, yes she was a sharp agent, but she'd lost so much already. She had lost so much because of him. Scully was pure science, a force to be reckoned with, and the respect he felt for her professional skills was inestimable. His respect was now coupled with affection, with a longing that he felt uncomfortable examining too closely. 

Mulder thought about ways to deflect Pusher until he could meet him alone. Suddenly, Scully snuggled against his shoulder. He froze - unwilling to disturb her, and feeling blessed by her contact. He hoped Scully was comfortable despite her awkward position, and felt a warm glow as he realized the depth of her trust in him that allowed her to relax against him. 

Mulder carefully eased his cell phone out of his pocket and made a test call to Burst to see if there'd been any contact. Nothing new. Mulder looked down at Scully, and could resist no longer. He gently caressed her cheek, something he'd been longing to do since she leaned against him. Scully stirred, blinking awake. 

"Hey, I think you drooled on me," he gently teased. 

"Sorry," she mumbled, looking embarrassed. "What time is it?" 

"It's, uh... twenty to three." 

Scully yawned. "No luck, I take it?" 

"No, nothing here, nothing at the other two payphones. I checked with Burst. I'm beginning to think it's a wild goose chase." 

Suddenly, the phone in the booth pierced the night with its ring. Mulder and Scully looked at each other briefly before they broke into a run down the block to the phone. Mulder answered it. 

A voice on the line jibed, "Are you two just going to sit there all night?" It took only a second for Mulder to realize the movement he thought he saw outside the car must have been Pusher. They were being purposefully stalked. The thought chilled him, and he had to swallow to strive for a light tone. He didn't want Pusher to think he was rattled, or to realize he'd understood Pusher's motive for leaving clues. 

Mulder's certainty was confirmed when Pusher bragged, "I was watching you up until about an hour ago. You and your pretty partner seem awfully close. Do you work well together?" 

Yes, we do, Mulder thought to himself. And nothing you can do will change that. 

To Scully, he merely shrugged, hiding his feelings behind snappy dialogue. Mulder knew he was playing a dangerous game, and he was determined to play it alone. 

Let the game begin. 

**END**   
  


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